Dr. Greg House, MD

 Are people still trying to get on out of here? I would have thought that the dinosaurs were enough.

I have an idea, lets play morbid danger bingo. Who is in? By in I mean participating so someone can start making cards. Though I think BINGO is too short of a word. How about APOCALYPSE?

MORBID DANGER BINGO APOCALYPSE
burn: 1st degree, 2nd degree, 3rd degree
bruise
drowned
cut
stabbed
head trauma
disembodiment
infection
requiring stitches
gunshot wound
invasive surgery
amputation

See any one of these and let someone know.

I haven't been home in way to many days. Vicodin supply is decent. Nurses are still in that hazy 5 to 7 on a ten scale. I think that in case of an emergency I'll be stashing some Penthouse magazines in my office. And a temperpedic pillow.

Whether or not this late night movie madness is a curse or someone else's booboo (wouldn't be the first time), it's interesting to see the stages of death in fast forward.

• Pallor Mortis -> Instantaneous upon infection. At least that is what it looks like through a telescope. Dr. Peep. N. Tom, present.
• Algor Mortis -> I wasn't able to get a hands on check for that. Didn't look like the infected had a sense of temperature. Or at least were smart enough to sport coats. How nice of them.
• Rigor Mortis-> Got stiffed by the City.
• Livor Mortis-> Brief, very brief by the looks of it. Then again, a cappilary study from my crowsnest wasn't happening.
• Decomposition -> The last stop on the infection freak train. No CGI here.

Whatever this is or whatever we want to call it, Necroflu, cold death, zombiAIDs, it is too contagious to study under a microscope given the rate it spreads. I guess it is a breed of retrovirus-something that attacks RNA. Which leads me to an exciting point: when the infected or food run out, how long do we wait until all of this is considered 'passed.' We don't know where it came from. Do we know where it is going?

I want to go home just as much as everybody else does. I suggest an extended lock down. But only if window watching gets any better. This would have been a blockbuster. Until someone watched Jurassic Park. The mixed media interrupted the tone and flow of plot. I'll have to take my B rating down to a D for straight to DVD in the two dollar bin at Walmart.

Truth or Dare. Because it isn't just for Madonna. Yikes. That's a bit dated. I'm sure you're used to Gaptooth McFake-accent's more recent stuff. Pity. She used to be naked all the time. The 80s were something.

Mom, you were talking to me about sick idiots. After some consideration I think this needs to be remedied. Even though the prospect of treating an advanced form or going on a doctoral goose chase for nostalgia's sake would perk me up.

EDIT: FREE pizza and soda at the clinic.

Handcuffs made a comeback. Why wasn't I in on that? Better luck next time.

One date. Hm. Maybe for next week? How do you feel about Cone Heads? Maybe Tommy Boy. As far as partically crappy food goes, I like a good sub. I doubt any of the places have Jersey or New York culinary training. I guess that will add to the sup par.

One prescription for Tony Foster. You'll get the other one when the morphine is out. You want a quick fix hit up some drug store. I've got a system. Take it or leave it and risk over medicating.

Private to Morn;
One appointment. Paging Debbie Downer... you're up.
End;

Eden, why are you talking to Dr. Apu? We need to have a talk. One more thing, where the hell is the peanut butter.

Time to cut the joke short. Anyone with the obnoxious, laughing affliction, there's good news. You haven't been eating people or tainted meat. It isn't kuru. As a little birdie may have told you, it's from an inhaled toxic substance. Lucky you!

Anyway, if you can shut up and stay still long enough, I'll give you an injection and we can all laugh about this later.

No suckers, no stickers.That's just how I roll.

Oh you have got to be kidding me. Really? Really. I can't get over this. Extension of the soul. Fine. Whatever. Is there symbolism? Does this mean I'm going do die of bloating and gastric problems too?

I think we both know what it will be if anything. I know it hurts Gregory but four? You had two less than three hours ago.

Ha. Ha. You're a comedian. Got any more, Droopy?

I can run on three legs. And yourself, Gregory?

...Good dog.

Good dog....?

Good dog, Irene.

Mirrors give you a reflected image. Shocking news, I hope you were sitting when you read that.

Why can't we see this Mirror City? Where is the mirror? Looks like all the good questions are going to go unanswered. The Lewis Carrol mirror world hopping has scientifically inaccurate for several reasons. First being that it should in all rights be impossible.  Let's suspend that belief because we have to. Thanks, Deities. This is another candle on your alter of Lacks Sense.

What does not makes even less sense is the nature of what has been skewed especially if it is supposed to be mirrored.

A few examples:

Originally       New State of Being     Specification
FBI Agent -> Evil Sexy FBI Agent= Personality Reversal [Morals] you can't SEE morals.
Lady Knight-> Sexy Vampire= State of Being + Moral Alteration  worst of both worlds
Boy Wizard-> Evil Boy Wizard=Personality Reversal [Morals + Values] change that can't be seen, the effects of course can.
Plush Lion-> Gay Plush Lion=Personality Reveral [Sexual Preference] You can't see gender preference.
Fairy Princess= Fairy Princess= Personality Reversal [Loose Morals] Giselle, you can't be evil. That's just the truth of it.
Male Escort-> Misogynist= Personality Reversal [Gained Common Sense] Nothing wrong here, actually.

Results vary on a case to case basis. Most changes being internal, possibly neurological. While things are "reflected" that doesn't make them the very same subject from the beginning. Doctor and dentist should not be interchangeable. Who the hell writes these things?

I am not a nurse.I'd like to cancel the request for a bone saw or medical drill. The sleeping beauty has risen. Any and all bedsores obtained are not my responsibility.

Giselle, how goes the reading list? If it is too hard I have a little book called Hop on Pop. It isn't Oh the Places You'll Go or The Cat and the Hat I think those might be too advance for you if the words are too big right now.

Here's some very special reading material, Lyra. On second thought, not just Ms. Silvertongue. I think it would be important for some folks to have a recap. Especially with all that spring being sprung soon. Everyone have a read. You'll learn something.

Mysterious coma case and you give it to who? The hospital.

Gee. Thanks. While you're at it, go ahead and give that plastic bag to junior. It makes a great toy. Mom you have a great one with that.

In the meantime, I'm bored. Let's pretend that this is a game show. And, I'm going to pretend that I'm watching the game show, Jeopardy. I'm going to keep up the great American tradition of playing along at home and "shouting" at the screen. Maybe that nose picking, magic using, college student can hear. Probably not. I may have more fun.

What is the GCS?

What was the last thing the patient ate?

Who took a look into her apartment?

What does the MRI show?

EDIT: Let's ask the audience. You are a sobbing loved one of a person in a coma. You want to get treatment for your sleeping beauty. Where do you go? Professional diagnostician or general hospital?

Look, Dad! I'm in a war! And to think that I would have been spending this time in an enclosure with Emmett. This is the most work I've had since coming to this place. Princeton Plainsborough should go to war.

I'd recommend stretching before all of those harrowing acts of valor, people.The Stewards have yet to show signs of fatigue. I've treated at least two sprains. Come on? You want a war wound? Get one, a sprain? How embarressing. You tell your kids 'I was in a war' and they'll ask with their little eyes aglow for the moment they're away from that gamestation and you won't have anything to show for it. Because it was a sprain. I recommend something that you can get stitches for.

A case of the giggles in the alien ranks... Ew. Someone can use a chemistry set.