Dr. Greg House, MD

Oh. This is sanitary.

I suggest any consumption of food be done through a straw. Those prophetic milkshakes are no where to be found. Unless you want to step out all goopy. Go for the smoothy. I only say this because you wouldn't want to digest what you're wearing unless you're exempt from HIV and AIDS or what them. Or you're a vampire, that requires licking people. Not all of them are attractive. I wouldn't lick someone ugly if they were covered in barbecue sauce. Claire Danes, Carmen Electra, Gwen Stefani...sure, easy. I can't think of a scenario that they would be covered in barbecue sauce and in my general vicinity. Oh but if they were...

While we're all down and grimey, who wants to fill out a survey?

Someone took something more than a left shoe. My homosexual roommate is missing. I'm thinking for good. That leaves me with more space and a crapload more pink than I could ever want.

I don't have a yard but I'm thinking yard sale. It's only for the best. I'll euthanize the living room as soon as its cleared properly. At least I won't crave cotton candy staring at the wall anymore. I'm not kidding, six thirty in the morning or three in the afternoon. Candy.

Anyone have a copy of The Great Escape handy? Who am I kidding. None of you know what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, for future reference, all you people should read up on first aid. That was a curse, had it been a real emergency a lot of you would be S.O.L if you know what I mean. I'm sorry I couldn't be a leader of men. Checking up on everyone else's agony wasn't high ranking on my list of things to-do.