Dr. Greg House, MD

Someone took something more than a left shoe. My homosexual roommate is missing. I'm thinking for good. That leaves me with more space and a crapload more pink than I could ever want.

I don't have a yard but I'm thinking yard sale. It's only for the best. I'll euthanize the living room as soon as its cleared properly. At least I won't crave cotton candy staring at the wall anymore. I'm not kidding, six thirty in the morning or three in the afternoon. Candy.

Anyone have a copy of The Great Escape handy? Who am I kidding. None of you know what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, for future reference, all you people should read up on first aid. That was a curse, had it been a real emergency a lot of you would be S.O.L if you know what I mean. I'm sorry I couldn't be a leader of men. Checking up on everyone else's agony wasn't high ranking on my list of things to-do.

OCD. Are you kidding? Low brow AND annoying in one day. Just when you might need a human relations department to do something, there isn't one to be found. What next Tourett's day?

Let me offer up some discount, quick fix prescriptions to curb your symptoms: paroxentine, seratraline, fluvoxamine, olanazapine or a small dosage of risperidone. Take one. They're anti-psychotic, not anti-curse. Take them. For the love of God. Looking at the network is making me think that this is a Bukowski reading.

Emmett you better not be cursed.

I had the attitude before it was cool. Come off of it. Unoriginal and uncharacteristic. You fluff balls will be just writing about this for days in gory detail of how you threw out your tree and stomped the presents you choose to keep.

Doesn't make sense anyway. If you hated the holiday, you wouldn't have decorated. You wouldn't have bothered celebrating. Ordinary day and ordinary attitude with indifference to the cheer oozing out of every other person's pore. This curse written all over it. Or there are mass brain tumors. That would be a Christmas miracle.

Looks like I still live in an annex territory of the North Pole with the biggest, gayest elf since Liberace.

No kids for me. I don't wish that on em. The chain reaction of the universe would he catastrophic.

Private to Emmett Honeycutt//Visible to Christopher Styles

Okay Scarlett O'Hara, it has been a few horrendous days and already it looks like you're comfortable. Do you have a job yet?

To give order to this already crowded chaos, I've taken the liberty of writing down the rules. Seems like God wasn't up for setting anything onto  stone tablets for me. I guess he was busy.