Dr. Greg House, MD

I had the attitude before it was cool. Come off of it. Unoriginal and uncharacteristic. You fluff balls will be just writing about this for days in gory detail of how you threw out your tree and stomped the presents you choose to keep.

Doesn't make sense anyway. If you hated the holiday, you wouldn't have decorated. You wouldn't have bothered celebrating. Ordinary day and ordinary attitude with indifference to the cheer oozing out of every other person's pore. This curse written all over it. Or there are mass brain tumors. That would be a Christmas miracle.

Looks like I still live in an annex territory of the North Pole with the biggest, gayest elf since Liberace.

The lesson of the weekend is lay off of the rocks, kids. Especially you. The place better be exactly as I left it.

Now repeat after me: crack is whack.

..........Thanks.

Here's the deal. I give you candy left over from Halloween. You shut it and leave. Everyone wins.

It is never lupus. Yes. Bingo. Rightio. Got it. You win. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Friction causes fire. Witches use fire! Friction is evil! Goodness! You know, let's start killing the people who can whistle or snap their fingers.  Fornication uses friction too. 

Here's an idea. Let's get all the witches together and make them follow a separate code of conduct. To identify them, sew some yellow stars on every item of their clothing. And then let's put em into a controlled neighborhood and---Ah, now that I have your attention:

Christ people, the very staple of this place is based on bippity boppity boo. Remember? Your mother probably sniffed pixie dust and that's how half of you came into being. Stop harassing the other morons. Magic is DUMB and an EASY WAY OUT. Fine, I agree but don't be the Gestapo about it. I hate everyone who can run. Can I set them on fire? I will. Don't tempt me.

You all are wonderfully showing how impressionable and controllable you are. A bit of the right magic influence from the City itself and look at what you do. Really now, this curse is unimaginative and based on sensationalism. The original Salem trials ended up hanging only nineteen. Ten more were convicted. Oh, but I suppose the dieties are going all out so this has to be a European witch hunt.

Still here.

Only so many pills in this jar. I'll run out in three days.

 Is there pain in dreams? No, you hit the ground, and wake up.

I maybe in a medical induced coma. Too much brain activity for it to be complete, early stages likely.