Dr. Greg House, MD

So. You like cute.

How about tularemia? That one is just delightful. See, it's an infectious disease that can be transferred from dead rabbit tissue through an open would or saliva. Or even bunny droppings. This rascal of a disease creates ulcers, inflames glands and can last beyond four weeks. Not cute?

Aww. What about Powassan? It's got a 60% survival rate, it's symptoms are simple enough to be confused with many other conditions that it being disorientation, sleepiness and in some casses semicomatose state of being. Couldn't you just die? Yes. Yes you could. I can't even keep up the sarcastic cute stuff. Seriously, don't you people ever use your brains? This doesn't even cover rabies or ticks. Who really goes out to grab animals because they can?

To hell with it. No doom so far. And if it happens, I know who to blame. Or if reason has any weight in this ridiculousness, since this is a later challenge there could be time to prepare, call in bribes. Whatever means necessary.

Growth hold obvious relevance in the medical world. From the time we are born to the age of two our craniums are measured regularly to check growth progress. Abnormal numbers above or below the norm could be a sign of one or more of the following:

• Chronic disease
• Emotional (psychosocial) health
• Genetics
• Infection
• Poor nutrition

Life is still in the equation. Big or small headed people alike can tell you that. Look around you. With the aid of hormones and with a possibility of a close to normal life outside of the circus or the next Austin Powers movie. Dramatic differences on the other hand leave the door open for other issue possibilities gastrointestinal problems that prompt a slow or stunted growth due to digestive enzymes, cerebral palsy to throw out a few rockstars of the category. And all of this is possible within the first leg of life. Makes you wonder by what miracle or luck of the draw this many people pass through the first round of the real Real World.

And we continually grow. We get older, our capacity for learning becomes more complicated with critical thinking, memorization, and any kind of social upbringing. These are all dependent on were we go from the start. Genes get blamed, it's the genetics passed down from our parents and their parents. Health is more than possible in early life. Then comes that oh so sudden decline of aging, ready willing and able to put it's hand into the grab bag of genetic issues that your Grandma's cousin first removed had.

Growth usually has such a positive connotation. You grow ill. You grow weary. Growth can also mean progression. Tumors for one thing. Flesh eating viruses grow.  Or Joseph Merrick experienced growth and then some. Who said it was a happy subject?

There.

Give me my prize.

I've seen some displays of sap. But you? I feel like I've been nursing off of a redwood. One more holiday to go and then the season of peak insincerity can finally come to a close. Do we all really love each other with that wishes of peace? I mean, besides the nazis. That's more than a little obvious. And the monsters. Nazis and monsters aside, do you honestly give a crap about everyone else? No. You don't. Because you can't possibly have feelings for every single person. It's not logical also more than half of you are idiots.

While I'm on a roll: City made the Zombie AIDS and then cured it. Game over with a fizzle. No hunt. No build up. I can't think of a time I've been this disappointed. The deities should stick to playing another game and leave mine alone.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am at this moment that there is not enough traffic for you all to play in. Maybe some other time.

Lupus. Right. Ha ha. It isn't lupus. You got it. Affirmative.

Moving on.

A shiny, shiny coin goes to the tourist who makes Emmett cry.

Mysterious coma case and you give it to who? The hospital.

Gee. Thanks. While you're at it, go ahead and give that plastic bag to junior. It makes a great toy. Mom you have a great one with that.

In the meantime, I'm bored. Let's pretend that this is a game show. And, I'm going to pretend that I'm watching the game show, Jeopardy. I'm going to keep up the great American tradition of playing along at home and "shouting" at the screen. Maybe that nose picking, magic using, college student can hear. Probably not. I may have more fun.

What is the GCS?

What was the last thing the patient ate?

Who took a look into her apartment?

What does the MRI show?

EDIT: Let's ask the audience. You are a sobbing loved one of a person in a coma. You want to get treatment for your sleeping beauty. Where do you go? Professional diagnostician or general hospital?

Here's the deal. I give you candy left over from Halloween. You shut it and leave. Everyone wins.

It is never lupus. Yes. Bingo. Rightio. Got it. You win. Ha. Ha. Ha.