Dr. Greg House, MD

One order of business:

Refresher, because I think that a few of us need it. This is your boss. This is not your boss. This is The Boss. It isn't that hard. Think on this carefully. Alternatives can be arranged. If you're having a difficult time processing this information.

The staff shrunk. Nice. Now I don't have to deal with downsizing. Though someone has to pick up the humiliation slack. I think that rather than having a new hire, the task could be shared equally.

[cranky voice;]

I don't even get the chance to stretch and say "ah, all better." Three days stuck solid that means that for seventy two hours I was stuck in one single position without any vicodin. Standing.

[called out over his shoulder]

Eden, why didn't you try and lay me down?

[grumble sigh]

This is not a small violin solo. This is a professional opinion.

I need my vicodin. This isn't a joke. I'm in pain. Do you even know what that is? Not a stubbed toe. Not a migraine, unless you think that a migraine persists after sleeping or medication. The vicodin doesn't even make it better. It makes it bearable. Advil won't help. And I've taken an entire days needed dosage. I'll settle for liquid even though I could end up in a coma at this point. I don't care. It wasn't with me unless people are capable of stealing from statues. I don't care if you're a druggie and you sell yourself for the next happy trip. You took it and its mine.

Someone took something more than a left shoe. My homosexual roommate is missing. I'm thinking for good. That leaves me with more space and a crapload more pink than I could ever want.

I don't have a yard but I'm thinking yard sale. It's only for the best. I'll euthanize the living room as soon as its cleared properly. At least I won't crave cotton candy staring at the wall anymore. I'm not kidding, six thirty in the morning or three in the afternoon. Candy.

Anyone have a copy of The Great Escape handy? Who am I kidding. None of you know what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, for future reference, all you people should read up on first aid. That was a curse, had it been a real emergency a lot of you would be S.O.L if you know what I mean. I'm sorry I couldn't be a leader of men. Checking up on everyone else's agony wasn't high ranking on my list of things to-do.

You know that word I taught you, Giselle? Infarction? Mine is doing that bad thing called hurt. I can't think of any cheery, happy tunes. I'm staying in bed. All day.

Enjoy the dresses. I don't want them.

Rigged. Obviously rigged. It was his present after all, it's only natural.

Out of the goodness of my heart, here are a few helpful tips for paintball warriors:

Bruises are a blue or purple area on the skin, caused by a hard blow that bursts small blood vessals beneath the skin. That is what causes the discoloration. Small bruises are gone within ten days. Large bruises take roughly three weeks. If there is swelling and perpetuating pain even after icing, see a doctor.