Dr. Greg House, MD

Let me guess, you're lonely. You go to parties and sit in the corner of the room looking longingly at the throng hoping that one of them will approach you and begin that fairytale come true. The clock is ticking, all the elasticity is being worn out in your face. You're holding onto your youth as though it's life itself. How much longer til you fall all the way over the hill and hit the bottom? Who knows. Studies have shown that being without close human contact shortens your life.

That's why you need this guy. Take a look. He has all of his teeth and is house trained too. Those are not hair plugs. Take a good look at him. Already you like him. Blond, blue eyed. Not fat. It doesn't matter what his personality is, does it? It doesn't even matter what  he does for a living. (He's a doctor if you have to know.) This is the one. Why? Because he's so attainable. Just for you.

Bidding starts at one Orange.

I've seen some displays of sap. But you? I feel like I've been nursing off of a redwood. One more holiday to go and then the season of peak insincerity can finally come to a close. Do we all really love each other with that wishes of peace? I mean, besides the nazis. That's more than a little obvious. And the monsters. Nazis and monsters aside, do you honestly give a crap about everyone else? No. You don't. Because you can't possibly have feelings for every single person. It's not logical also more than half of you are idiots.

While I'm on a roll: City made the Zombie AIDS and then cured it. Game over with a fizzle. No hunt. No build up. I can't think of a time I've been this disappointed. The deities should stick to playing another game and leave mine alone.