Dr. Greg House, MD

Shut up. Shut up. Will everyone shut up. Playing doctor is fun isn't it? Playing doctor when there is no authority? Not only is that dangerous and likely not the fun sexy kind, it is stupid. To anyone who is ready to believe in something because it is on the network and a nice person said it, the consequences are all yours. Enjoy.

Let's do this the old fashioned way. Screw vaccines, screw advice columns. You're sick? Consult a doctor. Can't get out of bed? Call a doctor to you. Still incapable of that? Get someone to get a doctor. You're ill. So what. You're not a victim unless you act like one. Have dignity. And those of the medical community, your bleeding hearts and boredom are showing. Better get that checked. Chase could do better. That is an insult to let you know.

That survey that my name as attached to? Hypothetical vaccination. You know, data gathering before hand? It's something that intelligent people do. After which comes a process of study. A long one. Do you people really think that the process is fast? There is a testing period too.

Cold weather has a tendency to enhance preexisting medical conditions. I'm taking a taxi to work from now until March.

Oh. This is sanitary.

I suggest any consumption of food be done through a straw. Those prophetic milkshakes are no where to be found. Unless you want to step out all goopy. Go for the smoothy. I only say this because you wouldn't want to digest what you're wearing unless you're exempt from HIV and AIDS or what them. Or you're a vampire, that requires licking people. Not all of them are attractive. I wouldn't lick someone ugly if they were covered in barbecue sauce. Claire Danes, Carmen Electra, Gwen Stefani...sure, easy. I can't think of a scenario that they would be covered in barbecue sauce and in my general vicinity. Oh but if they were...

While we're all down and grimey, who wants to fill out a survey?

Two Lifetime channel curses in one month. I thought only two of the deities were women. If I'm not mistaken there is a significantly large amount of estrogen running this place. I'd recommend hormone therapy. But not PEMU, gotta save them horses. Is Little Orphan Annie out of the closet? The literal closet, not the metaphorical. A runaway secret lesbian is pushing the scenario way too much. Crossing over into cinemaxxx territory.

If Cuddy wanted a kid she could have just popped over to this place and waited.

I'm having a hard time believing that none of you get ill. Or shot. Or have a case of anemia. You're all a bunch of penny pinching liars who would die from stubbornness if you could die here.

[Voice Post]

[There is water sloshing.]

M-my name is G-Gregory House. I-I don't know what t-time it is. A-april the....[gives up on stats.]

[Pause, shuttering breathing on the line.]

 I'm... The patient is en-t-t-tering stage two of hypother-m-mia. Losing f-feeling in fingers. Failed test to touch forefinger and t-thumb to-g-gether. Shaking n-near unbearable. M-morphine withdrawal not h-helping.

L-Lisa C-cuddy, phys-physic-doctor in New York n-needs letter of r-resign-nation.

[Additional recording.]

D-delusions begin.

Doctors who give advice to people going through withdrawals are obvious idiots.

February is a stupid month. I don't mean that based on artificial flavoring and blatant marketing strategy day. Leap year and all that. Screws with the calender and gets in the way of Saint Patrick's Day.

Speaking of which: "Drinking kills braincells."

News flash. Alcohol abuse, we're talking drinking like a fish, full on inebriation regularly, can cause serious neurological damage, like Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. Cells injured are dendrites on neurons in the cerebellum, a part of the brain involved in learning and physical coordination. But even in such extreme cases, there’s a lack of evidence that alcohol kills brain cells.

Anyone else have a ridiculous old wives tale? Wait. Don't answer that.