041. Diagnosis

[vicodincrutch]

Someone took something more than a left shoe. My homosexual roommate is missing. I'm thinking for good. That leaves me with more space and a crapload more pink than I could ever want.

I don't have a yard but I'm thinking yard sale. It's only for the best. I'll euthanize the living room as soon as its cleared properly. At least I won't crave cotton candy staring at the wall anymore. I'm not kidding, six thirty in the morning or three in the afternoon. Candy.

Anyone have a copy of The Great Escape handy? Who am I kidding. None of you know what I'm talking about.

Oh yeah, for future reference, all you people should read up on first aid. That was a curse, had it been a real emergency a lot of you would be S.O.L if you know what I mean. I'm sorry I couldn't be a leader of men. Checking up on everyone else's agony wasn't high ranking on my list of things to-do.

 

Comments

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

And Nazi evasion.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I might've let Hannes Messemer capture me for a while.

Trouble with Nazis lately?

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

T.M.I. Foster. T.M.I.

No. They just make things more interesting.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

If you call endless posts about war and how much the Major likes to blow shit up interesting, sure.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

I think of it this way. Some men have nice cars, some men have trucks to compensate for what the don't have. The man starts a war, I'm lead to believe he's got a seriously inadequacy problem. A guy who is promoting the nazi agenda for a perfectly pure race shouldn't have a BMI over 28. He's hiding something.

...I just want to watch Steve McQueen in a high speed chase.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

Hiding his love of bratwurst, maybe.

DVD or VHS?

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

After being in this place and he's still repressed? I find that surprising.

DVD.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

He's probably worried they'd kick him out of the Heteros for Hitler club if they found out.

You're not going to scratch it up or anything, right?

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Could be. ...You're giving this too much thought, Tony. Ever gone Aryan?

I'm going to watch it. I don't know what you like to do with DVDs, but I generally watch them.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

Got punched by a guy with a swastika tattoo once. Does that count?

You never know. People here are weird.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

I guess you don't have the Reich stuff.

I might try to cut a carrot?

Obviously you've got a copy. Gimme.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

God that was horrible.

And I really hope "cut a carrot" isn't a euphemism for anything.

I'll loan it out, but if I don't get it back in two days I'm turning you into a newt.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

You set it up.

...On a roll here, Tony. You really are.

For the lack of a Blockbuster fine. They've got a better late return policy.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

I deny setting up anything that putrid.

Blockbuster's DVDs never work on the first try. That and anyone who needs Encino Man for six day rental is out of their fucking minds.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Maybe there is a bit of a nazi in you. Is your boyfriend German?

Potheads watch movies too.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

He's from the Yukon. And we're...taking a break. At the moment.

No they don't. They stare at the screen and forget to push "play".

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

I get it, he's frigid.

A few of them. Some of them are smart enough to start playing before lighting up.

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

Well we are Canadian.

With Encino Man, would it really be the smarter decision?

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

You and your universal health care.

I forget does that one have a chimp in it or just Branden Fraser?

[darkest0knight.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we're just crazy canucks, thinking everyone should be entitled to medical services.

Does Pauly Shore count as a primate?

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Must be nice to afford to get hurt so much.

I take back anything I said about that movie and possible intelligence.