099 Diagnosis

[vicodincrutch]

Let me guess, you're lonely. You go to parties and sit in the corner of the room looking longingly at the throng hoping that one of them will approach you and begin that fairytale come true. The clock is ticking, all the elasticity is being worn out in your face. You're holding onto your youth as though it's life itself. How much longer til you fall all the way over the hill and hit the bottom? Who knows. Studies have shown that being without close human contact shortens your life.

That's why you need this guy. Take a look. He has all of his teeth and is house trained too. Those are not hair plugs. Take a good look at him. Already you like him. Blond, blue eyed. Not fat. It doesn't matter what his personality is, does it? It doesn't even matter what  he does for a living. (He's a doctor if you have to know.) This is the one. Why? Because he's so attainable. Just for you.

Bidding starts at one Orange.

Comments

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

You could handle a date with me as easily as with anyone else.

And how do you know they won't? It could last longer, and some would try to take advantage anyway.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Of course I could, and I'm not about to charge you four indigo for it. You can't afford that.

I've seen the no means no PSAs. I reckon I'll get by.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

I'm well-paid and don't have that many expenses. It's not as though we pay taxes, or take expensive vacations.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Look, I've already had to agree to two dates just to stop Angela from bidding off the scale. You're not even cursed.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

So what are you going to offer to appease me?

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I was going to try appealing to your better judgement. Do you want me to play the violin, too?

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

I wouldn't say no.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Really?

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

That surprises you?

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I'm not very good.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

Would you play for me if I asked you to?

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Withdraw your bid and I'll give you a private concert. I'm taking no responsibility for the neighbour's complaints.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

No offer of dinner and a show?

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I didn't realise you were this demanding.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

Just because I'm not always assertive doesn't mean I'm incapable of it.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

And I didn't say I objected. It's about time you picked what we do.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

I didn't realize I wasn't pulling my weight.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Now you do.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

I'll keep it in mind.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Did you have a day in mind, too?

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

Wouldn't tradition suggest Tuesday?

Re: [Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I'm, um. I... promised someone else...

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

Well, I'm not sure I can be expected to pick a date without knowing the intimacies of your busy schedule.

[Private;]

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Tomorrow and Tuesday are the only days I know I'm booked.

[Private;]

[as_damaged]

Then Wednesday, unless you think you'll be tired out from all that dating. Or unless there's a curse. In which case, the next curse-free day we're both available.