073. Diagnosis

[vicodincrutch]

Puberty isn't meant to be a yo-yo. At all. If only there was a way to monitor the long term impact of a back and forth age reversal curses. There are more important matters to project for everyone to see.

Why don't we set some clinic ground rules in the face of so many in this cozy work space. Where we work. Other activities have happened. Don't think I don't know.

1. No sex in the examination room or the champagne room while we're at it. Any violation of this will result in an investigation. You will not like it. This will be called The Returner Clause.

2. Patient doctor confidentiality is between one patient and all doctors. We share because we care. Also because one way or another I will find out. You will not like it that way.

3. Say it if you mean it and if you're willing to face the consequences.

4. If you don't know how to make coffee, don't even bother.
 

Now that that is out of the way. What are we dealing with. The diagnostics are falling into a pattern.

Comments

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Oh you.

In a cursed frame of mind, this would not be an issue.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

In a cursed frame of mind, neither would your rules.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

We automatically assume that one can tell the difference between cursed and uncursed. Well played.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Fever is the one uniting feature of the pattern. Of the possible etiologies of fevers of unknown origin, most fall into the classic definition: infection or malignancy. Possibly also neutropenic, opportunistic bacterial infections.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Don't think that I'm going to let this slide. You took too long to respond for you to be entirely innocent.

I say fleas. Hah.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Right, maybe they've all got the plague. You think it's endemic typhus fever?

I didn't see the post right away.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

I think you're thinking about it too simply. Why carry just one disease when there are thousands.

Excuses, excuses. I thought you were more imaginative. Not Wilson.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Add ticks to the fleas and there are at least, oh, twenty. Almost all with different diagnostic tests.

Imaginative enough not to get caught having sex in the exam rooms.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

We will have to be extra careful keeping score then.

Which almost sounds like boasting.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

You want me to run blood labs for everything? I'll be in all night.

Shame it's not.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

No. That'd be Eden's doing.

So you only like to play doctor.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

She's not an accurate diagnostic test, House.

And yeah, I only went to med school for the roleplaying games.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Normally you're right. Her blood work however is clear cut. Or do you want to complain more before you agree to do it?

That is what you do for fun. Though, doctor doesn't quite fit the bill. Chiropractor, maybe.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling some patients are going to want their diagnosis confirmed by something more than fairy dust actual clinical equipment before they agree to treatments that could potentially make them sicker.

You wouldn't have hired a chiropractor when you could have had a masseuse.

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Then you will help after all and stop complaining. It all works out.

Only one of them hurts. I think you'd be all over that.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

Fine. Fine. I'll be Eden's assistant, how about that.

Funny.

[eiremagic]

Or we can make a bet.

Who's more accurate and in less time.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

How much?

[eiremagic]

You're better, you don't worry about food for a month.

I'm better, you cover me food bills. And I feed about ten people a day, so you know.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

You're on. But you've got to identify the specific antibodies, liver function levels and protein levels in each blood sample, not just point and label.

[eiremagic]

I'll need me books to help me.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I'll even show you the page.

[eiremagic]

Fine. Deal.

[worksmart.livejournal.com]

I'll meet you by ward three.