024. Diagnosis

[vicodincrutch]

i waaan ...I wAnTT f0od gIMee

[Switch to voice recording because someone's obviously irritated at the effort it takes to type.]

[Growl] What does it take to get a good sandwich?

Comments

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

[Sleepy mutter.]

What the hell is.... .....

Shit! There's a giant fucking rat in the apartment!!

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Where? I called dibs. He'll have to get handouts elsewhere.

[Sniffling for a scent of rat. One of "the giant fucking rat's" back paws hardly touches the floor while the rest carry its weight.]

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

[House's CANE in tow!]

Back! Stay back--oh my fucking Jesus it fucking talks!

Gregory get up!

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

[Hiiiiiiisssss at the cane and the attempts at menacing.]

Put that down! [Hideous throat noise accompanied with bristling of fur.]

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

Gregory get your ass out!!

[Careful swing.]

I am so so warning you now. I don't want to hurt animals, don't make me do it!

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Out of what?

[Dodges the first swing, makes a sound that is something like a pig squeal and a howl.]

Stop that or when I'm done with your ankles you'll have to find a cane of your own.

[Teeth baring.]

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

What the fuck are you--

[Pause. Loooooong pause. Stare.]

Gregory??

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Eeeh, what's up, doc?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

.... You're a big fucking rat!

Who'd you piss off?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

All of that tivoing of the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet has been for nothing. Thanks, Emmett.

I'm a Tasmanian devil. And do you think I keep track of who I piss off?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

I don't watch that shit...

You still look like a big fucking rat. Maybe it's a curse?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

The surprises never end.

My tail isn't bald. That's a good hypothesis and a good chance you're right.

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

At least you can talk. I was going to kick your ass.

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Keep telling yourself that, Muscle Mary.

Now.

Make me a sandwich. Lots of meat.

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

It's three in the morning don't you need sleep?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

You expect me to sleep on an empty stomach? You're Southern. Where's the hospitality?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

Will it shut you up and make you go to bed?

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

Yes. I don't know how I'd get into the bed or out of it, food will help me think.

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

.....

[Goes to make him a sandwich, bread and meat and cheese, in a plate.... On the floor.]

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

[Follows to the kitchen and waits far away enough to avoid being trampled over. Once the sandwich is on the ground, House attacks it. He makes gurgling growl noises of appreciation.]

Fwank ooo. [Chew chew chew.]

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[honeycuttheaven.livejournal.com]

That's disgusting.

[In a matter of fact manner.]

[Voice Mode Catches Everything]

[vicodincrutch.livejournal.com]

M nefer fwranking boo aghen.

[Continues to devour every thing on the plate.]